Last night I woke up at about 1am. Okay, to be fair, I didn't "wake" up so much as I was awoken by O. suddenly barrel rolling over me to nestle in between me and J.
I'm one of those people who has no trouble falling asleep, but I have a helluva time falling BACK to sleep if something wakes me up. And because I am pre-menstrual right now my brain likes to find things to obsess about. So, I found myself wide awake at 1am obsessing hard about the usual: house, money, contract deadlines, etc. etc. I slid out of the bed, went to the loo, and felt a full blown panic attack gathering in my head and in my guts.
J. needs his rest as he is in a very involved, stressful job. So I resist waking him up at night. But I did not want to be alone.
I crept back into the bedroom and stood at the end of the bed. J. woke and groggily asked: "are you okay?"
"No." I said, and burst into tears.
So, this is a short post, but it is a thank you post to my husband who, knowing full well he needed to be out of the house before 8:30am, got up in the middle of the night and cuddled with me on the couch while we watched "Sherlock" (so good) on Netflix until I calmed down. He let me tell him the whole plot of the mini-series I've just watched, and he kissed my head and told me everything is okay. He reminded me of how everything goes a bit crazy for me in the middle of the night, and especially if I am in my PMS phase. He distracted me by telling me about the original AC Doyle Sherlock Holmes stories and how "Sherlock" has adapted these into its modern day setting.
J. is currently in a professional position wherein he is constantly being "needed" by people. His phone never stops ringing, his email alerts sound like morse code, he can't go out without someone stopping him to talk business. This is a guy who could use a few minutes of not being needed. And yet, when I go nuts at 1am he gets up with me and talks me down. Because I need him.
So, thanks, J. You are a first rate husband, father and friend. And, sorry to have to tell you this, but we all need you. A lot.